But really, there’s no reason it HAS to be war forever…right? well, no, but thats the likelihood. cuz see, what will happen is that theyll fail at life in various forms, remember how awesome a friend i was and want back in or at least feel regrets. the mistake will come in their thinking that this selfish regret is sufficient for forgiveness when instead ill just have to add more notches on their permanent record. fuck that.

Like Jesus, there are no time limits on my forgiveness, but also like Jesus, you’ve gotta fkking repent for your god damn crimes. there’s no “hey, my bad” and then its all cool. if you wrong me, you make up for it. if you wanna be friends after that then you not only make up for the crime but also the time….the time that has fucking passed between now and when you pulled your bullshit. thats the rule. i have to respect my friends and theres nothing respectable about some douchebag that thinks “hey bro, im real surry bout that stuff mayn” is sufficient reparations for significant crimes against nature.

Actually, as weird as it sounds – if i could see a future friendship with any of these assholes coming about it would be, ironically, Ryan… the guy who fucked my girlfriend. While sluthole Alice and faggetine Mikey will no doubt pull the bullshit “i’m sorry” song and dance within coming years – or WORSE – the “hey bro, whats up? lol. how ya been man??” horseshit that hopes time will have clouded my steel trap memory – i could see Ryan pulling it off with a tinge of naive sincerity.

Ryan may have been the grand wizardHitler who orchestrated this Final Solution to wipe out richardland, but he was also the only one to show remorse and make a small penance. Nick didn’t care, Mikey was all “hey man, whatever. i’m movin up and awwn in life withoutch ya’s” (fag), and the slut girlfriend was whining at me that i “have to be okay” with her being in a relationship with Ryan now because “i’m gonna do what i want”. ya bitch? and i’m gonna do what *I* want, and that doesnt involve endorsing your little Guenevere/Lancelot kingdom ending whorefest. Ryan however, manned up and called me to talk as long as I wanted, answered all my questions truthfully and when I said “you’ve gotta be fukkin kidding me” in response to the prospect of these two little lovebirds producing a relationship, he said okay and ended things with the bitch that night…. Even when you’re the victim you had to admit that he was being a stand-up guy after being a twofaced evil scum sucking guy. he even returned her jacket she left at his dorm to *me* (left it on my doorstep, rang the doorbell and left to avoid confrontation) instead of her so as to honor his vow to have no more contact with her. I was impressed… and even though I heartily dislike him, I heartily dislike him the least out of all the others…

So could he actually make a comeback? well, conceivably, any of them – even the whore – “could”. but a “hey, wanna b frenz again?” instant message on a thurseday night 4 years down the line aint gonna do it, and unfortunately when people make these kinds of decisions, they usually dont come back from them in full force.. just half assed pussybullshit regret…

who knows though. im rooting for all of them… i really am.

Back in December when I found out Ryan was flirting with my girlfriend via e-mail after she ratted him out to me, my contact with him kindov diminished. Little did I know that his contact with said girlfriend didn’t.

Long story short: they lied, they made the sex, they played me like a board game basically. and not a hard and convoluted one that requires strategy like Monopoly – they played me like Candyland. and the candy was my gf’s vag. or like Shoots and Ladders and the shoots were her slutty pants going down and the latter was – or is it Snakes and Ladders? cuz then the snake could be Ryans penis and the ladder could be the rungs of moral decay she descended.

Despite my hilariously on-point metaphor filled rhetoric however, this was a blow that came with a force of a million “aaww…dude”s…

Not gonna sugar coat it. There was shock and pain involved.
Actually, the reaction to the news went embarrassingly similar to this:

The full story went like this…

[EDITORS NOTE: full story has been redacted indefinitely due to it being just too pathetic. It has been saved to an MS Word document and may be restored at some point in the future…]