The 2nd best outcome of my eldest nephew recently turning 18 (right after the fact that the ongoing sexual abuse I put him through is now legal in most states) is that I can eat the last pound and a half of his birthday cake after the rest of my family’s gone to bed.
Now that im full of cake, im gonna go play with my younger nephews’ toys while they’re asleep. Spiderman and this plastic t-rex here have some unfinished business from earlier to settle…
I used to have nephews before there was Minecraft. Now I just have these short dudes who spend all day & night glued to le Xbox.
Thanks for ruining families, Sweden…
I dont understand the appeal of this nonsense anyway. You walk around in a highly pixelated world of box people and animals and fight generic monsters and insects, Atari style and collect things and build them within a world that has no back story, no plot and no information whatsoever. You’re not on a quest for gold, or fortune or to save a princess or to escame anything but the boredom of life – the point of the game is evidently to chop down trees and dig holes… wtf??
I ate 4 lobsters at Dwaynes Wedding Rehearsal Dinner…
Back in Los Angeles and out to try my first Edamame Burger (or whatever) that all the trendy kids and cool cats have been talking about.
My taste test resulted in a clear endorsement. The burgerz is goods. so are their fries and so iz be their onion rings after the addition of a half cup of table salt.
Go to one if one is near you because one might be near you. I went with Wyatt and asked him if there “are more of these” and he said no. I finished my meal thinking I was in a special place. Wrong. Dude thought I was talking about a continuous order of fries when I asked the question. Either that or he was trying to hide the fact that there are countless other Unagi Burgers dotted all around Mexifornia and possibly beyond and just cracked under pressure.
But this little update isnt just about burgers, friends. It’s about climbing shit for no reason like a child with A.D.D. when you’re walking to and from a restaurant.
Like I was gonna walk down an alley this narrow and NOT do this…pleez….
(even though I kinda wanna ban this picture cuz it depicts me in my guilty-pleasure babysocks that betray everything I stand for in my championing of tubes-socks 4lyfe)
On the way back, Wyatt even did it too!…kindov.
Me, when all my nephews crack up after I make a joke that contains a reference to a cartoon or some other childrens media and none of the adults in the room get it:
yes, nephews. piggy back rides and pool-launchings is exactly what I feel like doing all morning on 1.5 hours of sleep. its like you read my mind :l.
~~ Sarcasm vaporized when 5 yr old nephew who talks like he has marbles in his mouth for some reason goes “hey Rishah..guess wha? Yu Awesome. an I lyhke yhuu *hugs*” for no reason. -alright you little turd. what is thy bidding? *dutifully returns to being physically destroyed*…..
And my oldest nephew of the 3 younger ones (Aidan is 17), Riley got a little theatrical…
My nephews saw a bunch of my 1st place Improv trophies on a shelf and asked me with great interest what I got them for. Thinking they’d be hugely disappointed that they weren’t for pole vaulting or football-archery or anything cool, I explained that they were for comedy competitions. -Couldn’t eh been more impressed. Now they’re bragging to the rest of my family that “Uncle Rich gots AWARDS that PROVE he’s the funniest!”. chh. damn right, kids…
Half-bro is working up in Montana for the month and has my litter of nephews. Sister-in-law flew from FL to South Dakota to him but connected in Dallas so I went up to the Dallas airport to see her and meet my niece. She’s super adorable, naturally. (and she’s just chewing on her thumb here. i’m not breastfeeding).
Sis-law started talking about how they’re going to see Mt Rushmore in SD before driving across to Montana. I’ve never seen Rushmore (only the Wes Anderson movie). She said “why not come see Rushmore and the kids and then fly back?”. Obviously that woulda been impossible cuz I hadnt packed, have work to do and her flight was only 2 hours away… then I remembered i’m Richard & I do whateverthefkkiwant & now i’m seeing Rushmore tomorrow with mah nephewwwwz.
Kylie: [singing a song from Monster High or something]
Richard: what song is that from, Kylie?
Matt: you know what song she likes? She likes that baby baby baby oOOOO
Kylie: no i DONT!
Richard: [sings it]
Kylie: [switches sides from not liking it as a relieved smile initiates singing along]
Matt: I’m glad he’s dead
Kylie: He’s not dead!
Matt: yes he is. Justin Bleeber is dead
Kylie: Justin Beaver is ALIVE. he’s just a young kid. he’s a teenager.
Matt: no. he’s dead
Kylie: Michael Jackson is dead. Justin Beaver is ALIVE.
