The only downside to playing pretend with the nephews is that Aidan Bushnell and i constantly have to fight over which one of us gets to be Justin Bieber. luckily im still a couple inches bigger so I win, but maybe i’ll hook him up with some Biebs action “One Time”. Never Say Never motherfkkerrzzzz.
Even though it will be turned back on tomorrow – I couldn’t handle the lack of internetz here at my brothers house in Florida so I drove Aidan up to the town square where they have free Wifi, I guess to lure patrons to the local shops. Their marketing strategy worked, cuz Aidan went to Starbucks and as we sipped on the stadium seating with our lappytoppies, I snapped this pic and uploaded it to his Facebook with the following caption:
I thought it was about time i took a photo of you where you WERENT sleeping for once. thanks for the mocha latte carmelotto grande with whipped cream, Bestie!!!1 #chillaxin @ the park
Now it’s time to go eat the same amount of food I would at any other meal at any other time of the year but pretend like it’s a big deal cuz evidently everyone else is going balls out with their portions or something.
But before I go: quit being such a Hipster dick, Canada…
My sister-in-law just revealed that she’s pregnant, so that’s pretty newsy. I already have 4 nephews. If # 5 doesn’t turn out to be a niece, I have no idea how any of us are going to pretend we still love it and want it around. Nephew Aidan is 16 and lives with his mom so i’ll fill in his reaction as being along lines of a “cool story, bro” response, but sis-inlaw Sarah delivered the news to her 3 boys and got the following reactions:
Riley (7): “that’s awesome!”
Brody (4): “I gonna be so nice to that baby!”
Rowan (5): “I THINK IT’S RETARDED! AND STUPID!”
I’ll have to sit them down for a “kids say the darndest things” style interview and ask them all about it when I’m there for Thanksgiving in a month.
“Goodnight, you princes of Maine… you kings of New England.” – me to my nephews as I turned off the light, hoping just one would maybejustmaybe go “aaahh. John Irving. very nice Unka Rich. very nice. g’nite u ole scamp”. they did not…
My aunt was looking for her Google phone amongst a line of my brother and nephews Google phones on the counter so I waved my hand and told her “these aren’t the Droids you’re looking for”.
She didn’t get it and no one else was around to witness the comedy gold 🙁
I have decided to live the rest of my life in desert seclusion. Meaning: I’m thinking of renting Bristol Palin’s house in Arizona.
My family has decided they’re Star Wars fans now that Spike is doing an endless marathon of all 6 movies…
Most facepalm moment so far has been my aunt asking “Is that SamEL Jackson? that’s interesting since he plays the voice of ObiWan in the first 3 movies”…
she’s thinking of James Earl Jones as the voice of Darth Vader…
UPDATE: Conspiracy theorist Asian-Josh asks: “are you suggesting that if Spike did Alex Jones marathons, your family will decide to be 9/11 truthers?”. The answer is of course, no. they have to have heard of the thing and know that its generally held in high regard. so conspiracy scam artists are out, Lethal Weapon, LOTR and other several part entertainment film series are in.
Most of my traveling this year has been for funny Facebook statuses and such.
It rained for 4 days straight here at home so I posted a status announcing that I did not move to California for this crap and would be spending the rest of the week in Hawaii. so while in Hawaii, when a cloudy day came, I had to remain consistent and leave. so I did.
Wish I had a “before” picture. not that the place was a pig sty but I’ve been at my Aunts house the past month while she visited her new grand daughter down in Temecula (that’s closer to San Diego, where as I’m closer to Los Angeles – 2.5 hour difference, for you non-Californian viewers) and she didn’t tell me she was coming home today so she just walked in the door.
I guess my cousin Jenny deprived her of any housework during the visit cuz within about 14 and a half minutes of being back, the kitchen was cleaned, dishwasher emptied and refilled, laundry done, hummingbird feeders washed/changed/&filled, a new 3 & 1/2 bottle batch of tea was brewed and contained and godknowswhatelse…
Went to the museum with Matt & Kylie because they had a special “dig for fossils” exhibit for kids. Turns out that digging for fossils is a lot like finding plastic toys in a sandbox! fascinating.
adults thought it was lame and boring, which the kids picked up on and didnt want to try anything. Blase Betty with the designer handbag in the background was in my party that went and summed up the mood in this background cameo. once the kids saw how motherfkkn AWESOME this shit was, they couldn’t get enough and dug in (chyea, i totally just said “dug” in. oh snap).
plus at the next table we got to put on safety goggles and clean REAL fucking fossils. and then fucking KEEP THEM. jealous much?
I didnt exactly get to keep *mine* since Mathew forgot his at the table and started panicking in the car on the way home so I had to pull mine out and lie n say it was his and I saved it. fucking kids… next time I’m going alone…
(a personal journal adjoining the Richardland comedy network)
