my friggin 15 year old nephew just tried to quiz me with the question “guess who came first: Sonic, or Mario?”… that’s like asking a Nam veteran if they know anything about the war. bitch, I LIVED that. effouttahere.

More gems from my week with the younger nephews:

“you stink butt toilet poop! im gonna fart in yor unda-wear!” & “you’re a butt and you stink like butt, BUTT Stink!”
– Rowan Bushnell, 4

“untle Richard. um. um. uh whats..uh whats ‘gay’? – [fake answer] – “haha. im gay! im gay im gay! haha. im so gayyyy!” – [real answer] – “um.. i dont think thats rilly it cuz if 2 boys kissed eachother they’d prolly go tu jail”.
– Riley Bushnell, 6

“Instead a Easter they should call it Ster-Eee cuz you STIR the chocolate and then you EAT it, so Ster-ea, not Ea-ster…”
– Riley Bushnell, 6

“Touch that again and it’s gonna rain spank-bombs like a Giant’s tears after he found out he wasn’t invited to a birthday party”
– uncle Rich, layin down tha law.