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How to be my friend (in order of importance)

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4 simple points:

 

Be loyal

Be good

Be honest

Have good improving skills

 

That’s all I look for in acquiring and keeping around people I treat and refer to as friends.

 

Loyalty above all… What is a friend if it’s not loyal? A non-loyal associate is just “someone you know”, not a friend. A friend sticks with you. A friend never abandons. A friend is there looking out for you.

 

Goodness is needed so I can like you… if you’re not good (meaning: you strive to be and do good. not that you’re without flaw) then I’m uninterested.

 

Honesty could be argued is a sub-set of goodness but it isn’t really. Goodness is about net positive/negative impact and it isn’t difficult to lie a lot and still have a lot of neutral effect. So since all lies aren’t destructive, anti-lying can’t be a sub-set of goodness. This includes lying to yourself. I can’t be constantly seeing through a persons self-delusions and/or fibs they tell to obfuscate as ways to avoid petty embarrassment or anything similar.

 

Evolution is important because I am obsessed with it myself and thus I can’t help but see ways my surroundings can likewise improve. If you are stagnant in your evolution then you’re going to hate me and i’m going to not respect you. Lets improve together, not settle.

 

Let’s be friends.

Life Journal

Tragedy is an ambush predator. Learn to tame it

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Popular wisdom dictates that mentioning a horrible event is likely to will that event into being. If you say you’re going to die in a plane crash, for instance, your plane is more likely to go down because you jinxed it. This is the same foolishness behind “knocking on wood” – as if, because you said something might happen, you have put in a request to Fate for that thing to happen and the only way to cancel the order is by tapping your knuckles on wood.

All of this is silly caveman superstition of course. The truth is the opposite: saying things makes them not happen.

Actually, that was tongue-in-cheek, since the above statement is satirically using the same line of logic of the superstition I just mocked. In fact, 98% of Richardland content is satirical stuff said for some ulterior interpretation but I have to break character here in order to point out that you need not and should not believe verbal iteration has any effect whatsoever over the natural world through any cosmic effect. 

-Now that that disclaimer is out of the way, I’m going to proceed to argue the opposite: 
Proclaiming that horrible acts of random freak-accident style horror are likely to happen, makes them significantly less likely to happen. 

Think about it… every negative thing that happens that is random is never predicted. No one says “my family is going to die in a natural disaster this month. I dont know where or how but I feel like they’re going to!” and then that thing happens.

Tragedy wants to sneak up on you. If you look around and say “I know you’re there”, sometimes it will give up from hiding around the corner and try a different time.

this is what happens when you’re not prepared for horrible random things to happen

Remember that Horrific-Adversidy is an ambush predator. If you look it in the eye and call it out then it has a less liklihood of getting you.

Like a Great White Shark – it’s actually a coward. It has powerful murderous teeth and jaws with which to destroy you, but it’s actually a scaredy cat. It only gets you by stalking you and then swiftly snapping you up with a surprise attack. If you are big enough, it will then go away for a little bit while you bleed out so as to avoid injury from your flailing attempts to not-fkking-die. If you don’t let it sneak on you, it is significantly less likely to identify you as worthy prey and if it gets you and you fight for survival, it is significantly more likely to decide you’re not worth it and not come back for a second bite. So in life, just like in the ocean: Be aware of potential dangers, confront them, and fight fight fight.

Make the potentially horrific your pet.


this is what can happen when you accurately assess potential dangers and confront them anyway

The reason I’ve been thinking of this is that my mother goes into hip surgery in a few hours. It’s a very safe procedure and I’ve searched everywhere for deaths, complications, and horrible things happening and it just doesn’t happen with hip replacements. She’s gonna get a titanium bulb in her ball-and-socket joint over a 2 hour long procedure and then be home within 2 days and running around within 3 weeks. That’s what the data says. Yet I’ve been secretly mentally preparing for horrible disaster as I always do with these situations. Not because I think it’s actually likely at all but because that kind of safety of being secure in the thought that what always happens will happen this time is exactly what Tragedy WANTS you to think… having just enough healthy knowledge that the best laid plans can end in disaster prevents disaster from happening. Not necessarily in practice but in effect for sure.

As I wrote before – I have a horrible sense of doom over this super safe and routine procedure, but if I let Fate know that I know what it’s considering, then it will give up and go home.

Life Journal

Self Grooming is Stupid. (Reason 399-B I need more servants)

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Old timey barber shops had it right all along: we are simply not built to shave our own faces. It’s a job for a 3rd party. Or a 2nd party. Or better yet: a political party. Why aren’t there laws forcing businesses to pay for my facial grooming? Because women don’t grow beards? This War On Men needs to end and my right for someone else to pay for my hair removal needs to be respected. The sides of my head need trimming and it’s discrimination to expect me to do it or use my own money to do it myself. These split ends and poofy peripheries are sullying my skull skin, stupidly. Someone please save me form this hell.

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Life Journal

How My Colorado Cousin Shot Down My Invitations 4 Times in 40 Minutes

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I previously mentioned that I was flying into Colorado Springs to try and get my cousin to consider me as part of her family again. Spoiler Alert: It was a miserable failure.

The background story is that in July 2012 I ran the laundry machine at 11pm at my grandparents old house that my mom, uncle and aunt jointly own but my aunt lives in and it woke my aunt up. She was so mad at losing sleep that night, she greeting me with screaming obscenities when I came home the next day and attempted to ban me from the property forever. When that didn’t happen since my uncle and mom didn’t go along with this punishment for laundering, she instead sought to cut me out of the family all together, making up nasty stories about me to her children (my 3 cousins) and their grandchildren, my uncle and my mother. Again, it didn’t fly with my uncle, mother or my 2nd cousins (my aunts grandchildren) but for some bizarre reason, all 3 of my first cousins went along with the excommunication, thereby cutting out my 2nd cousins too.

I haven’t seen any of them in the past 2 years and when I invited them to my house in North Hollywood in January 2014, all 3 rejected the offer. The youngest wasn’t in town but said she wouldn’t be inviting me to her wedding a few months later – the middle said “we had grown apart” and ignored my follow up – and the oldest cousin said that we were neither friends no family at this point. Damn. So having the opportunity to go to HER when my parents was passing through Colorado Springs anyway with my nephews, I took it in hopes I could use my charms and acute sense of logic and understanding to clear up any foul air and reconcile.

It was a miserable failure.

Here’s how it went down: We arrive at the house and my cousin (we’ll call her “April” since that’s her name) doesn’t make eye contact with me until I stare her down long enough because I’m goin in for a hug. I do and it’s a polite “I don’t know why you’re touching me but fine” polite return hug. Remember that we never had a fight and I’m not mad at her for any reason: she literally just stopped talking to me and then announced that I was neither friend nor family to her because of unclear reasons relating to her mother deciding I was no longer family to her because I did laundry one night. So my friendliness wasn’t an act and I had nothing to reconcile over (or if I do, I don’t know what it was because I don’t know WHY I was cut out of this family, exactly, or why they don’t want to ever see me anymore). I was genuinely excited to be back at her house which I hadn’t been to since 2004 when my 2nd cousins Matt and Kylie were born. Unfortunately for me, they were spending the summer with my Aunt back in California as they do every year just like the year my aunt screamed and ranted at me the next day I did that fateful laundry load at the house. But whatever. I had April and I was going to open my arms in a welcoming “lets forget that whole business about how you kicked me out of your family for no reason” embrace. I got snubbed every time. 4 times to be exactly.

Here are the 4 ways I got the cold shoulder in my attempts to be a part of my cousin April’s family again:

1- Talked about decorating: The official reason we were there was to see the remodeling they had done to the house since any of us last saw it, which was legit because my mom definitely wanted to see it and I was curious too since I never get any pictures or anything from April, ever, so it was nice to see the work they had done even though “being family again” was my “real” main interest. As we were being shown the truly excellent revisions they made to their basement, I recognized that I was going to get zero questions or interest about me or my life so I mentioned that I’ve done a lot of renovations to my own house in North Hollywood and that I would like for her and Matt and Kylie to come visit. This was ignored as she quickly pointed to drawers under a countertop down there and mentioned that they’re filled with Lego’s. Instead of pushing the issue, I commented on how great the Lego movie was, though she didn’t agree and oddly, found it annoying and poorly constructed.

2- Commenting on where the dogs sleep. As the house tour winded up to the master-bedroom, I again mentioned my house and how I’d like to show her some of the cool stuff I did to the bedrooms in it. This also went unacknowledged as she pointed to cushions on the floor at the end of her bed and noted that that was where Charlie and Moose (her dogs) sleep at night.

3- Neighborhood Construction: Moving outside to chat for awhile, I tried to change tracks and after asking a bunch of questions about what their past and future plans were for the great work they’d done to their back yard, I mentioned simply that I would love to just hang out with her and her family at any time and that maybe we could plan something specific at some point. Ignored again, she pointed at the new houses being built across the gully from her back yard, noting how they maddeningly cover her once-mountain-view and that now she will be looking instead at low-income housing with a view into her back yard.

4- My nephews Shoes: Finally, on our way out, it was crunch time. So doing that slow-walk to the doorway, I locked eye contact with her and said again that she is invited to my house any time and to please come visit next time, every time and any time she is in southern California visiting her mom. Her response? “You need to get that kid some shoes”, pointing to my nephew Rowan who was wearing raggedy hiking sneakers he had been giving an extra punishing in a creek the day before.

And that was that. As we walked away from the house I just went on a stream of “come visit me! come visit! Come to my house!” barrage for the duration of time until she went back inside. She laughed it off and deflected by facetiously saying the lights and decorating in my house would make her ill and I shot back from across the street that I am both the cause and cure of many ailments and to “Come visit, Come visit, Come visit, lets hang out, lets do stuff, lets be family and have fun together, I love you, Come visit!”.

These are comical rejections but it actually was really depressing. She was cold as ice to me the entire time, adopting a polite accommodation to a stranger persona. In my last email to her after she rejected the invitation in January, I asked her and her sisters “what am I doing wrong?”. Since none of them answered me and I still don’t know wtf I’m not doing right here, maybe one of you can help?…

Life Journal

See this space next week for trip stuff

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My 3 nephews are up with their moms side of the family in Montana and my Parents are driving up from Texas to pick them up in their RV and drive them back down for their annual Texas summer visit there. I was invited to join at any point and decided that flying into Colorado Springs would be a good bet for me so I could experience just the right amount of days with a bunch of kids and parents in an RV to enjoy without going crazy.

Life Journal

Footin it in NorHo

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“Footin it” is a cool hip new term I came up with to describe the act of traveling as a pedestrian on account of not having a car.

I have a special path I travel through my neighborhood and slip through an apartment complex’s rear parking that is up against a McDonalds parking lot where the fence is torn down in order to accommodate hooligans like me taking a short cut into the main road the fast food place resides on instead of making the crescent shaped long-way to the same strip-mall hub of stuffs.

While on my patrol I say hello to neighbors and close open mailbox doors and am generally the opposite of this guy:

There was something more to mention though about my on-foot travels but I have to admit that I’ve forgotten it. I was walking earlier and wanted to document something about my feet-driven travels but the concept has completely left me and now i’m just here with a blog that lets people know I’m ducking through broken fences in North Hollywood for no reason. I could have just left this part out and this post would be perfectly acceptable but I was hoping that writing about how I forgot an additional point would jog my memory on what else there was to speak of. I am sorry for doing this to you.

Life Journal

Frozen out of Family: new layer of ice

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In July 2012 my aunt screamed at me for 2 hours of abuse and personal attacks (we didn’t have a fight: She just hate-vented at me for a full afternoon as I calmly absorbed it and tried to calm her down) because I woke her up the night before by running the washing machine at 11pm. She excommunicated me from the family then and went on a campaign to get the rest of her family to hate me as well, including her grandchildren (my 2nd cousins), telling them they would be punished if they tried to play with me. Classy lady.

In December 2013, I invited those 2nd cousins and their mothers (my first cousins) who were (are/currently) visiting my aunt 20 minutes away from where I live to come enjoy a day at my house at any time in early January 2014 while they’re in the area since I haven’t seen them since their mother decided she hated me. I offered use of my heated pool and hot tub, especially since my 2nd cousins Matt & Kylie love to swim when visiting California but have to suffer through a “so close yet so far” agony of the pool at my Grandparents old house (where my aunt currently lives) being below 50 degrees this time of year. I figured we could have a lot of fun that wouldn’t create any waves so I emailed the invite saying so to both cousins.

They both rejected my offer in bizarre and hurtful ways that require documentation because of their kids. It’s their loss that they don’t want me part of their life anymore because their psychologically troubled mother hates me, but it’s boldly unfair to their children to force them to miss out on my awesomeness growing up. Especially since this is something those children may be angry at when they grow up and find out all they missed out on for no good reason, I feel obligated to make the record clear on why exactly they were deprived of the good memories of my awesomeness.

There are 3 cousins in question. From oldest to youngest: April (Matt & Kylies mom), Jenny (2 young daughters previously unmentioned on this site) & Dena (no kids yet).
Here is their current status after my attempt at contact:

APRIL: The harshest most rude reply. She said thanks for the invite but that I am neither friend nor family to her at this time. Wow. In the invitation I gently noted something April has for years been the loudest complainer of, which is my aunt’s tendency to exaggerate instances in a negative light. Evidently April has changed her position on this, as she called that an insult to her mother and that while she hopes one day we can hang out as friends and cousins, that time is not now.
Remember that I haven’t argued or spoken crossly or even negatively to any of these 3 girls about their psychotic abusive mother at any time. But because I referred to her as “known to exaggerate”, April no longer considers me worthy of calling family or even a friendly acquaintance and refuses to talk about it. Sounds like theirs something more going on, right? Except she refuses to talk about it further. I issued two replies to her rejection saying I meant no insult or disrespect to anyone, thought I was being uncontroversial and only brought it up in the first place as a way of reminding them they have only heard 1 side of the story precisely because I have refused to badmouth their mother all this time. I also asked what exactly she found insulting or what I should be doing differently to come off more favorably. She didn’t reply to either message.

JENNY: After receiving Aprils announcement that I am not family to her because I requested that she not let rumors and slander against me influence her opinion, I sent an email just to Jenny directly asking what I did wrong, exactly, knowing I was more likely to get a helpful answer from her. I did indeed receive a thoughtful reply even though she said she agreed that my invitation sounded like smack-talk about her mother. I responded with a similar apology, explained that I had no idea that character trait of her mothers had become controversial (or I wouldn’t have included it) and re-issued the invitation directly to her and her 2 daughters to come visit at my house any time. I also asked the same “what am I doing wrong, exactly?” questions specifically requesting insight on what I could have done better to not lose that wing of the family. She did not reply.

DENA: The most diplomatic of the responders, actually requested to talk to my by phone about the matter. Unfortunately she called while I was on the plane coming back home (I didn’t get a missed-call from her, but she said by e-mail that she called and it went straight to voicemail) so she explained by email that (in response to the individual message I sent her after April said I wasn’t part of her family anymore) yes, she still thinks of me as family and would like to see me next time I am in Hawaii, where she now lives (I missed her leaving the islands by just 1 day when I was there with my nephews this past summer, though they and my parents met with her) but I will not be invited to her wedding out there in June 2014. She says it’s nothing personal and its merely that her and her fiance have a strict “no cousins” rule for the wedding invites. I think that’s a dumb decision of course and am saddened at its contribution to further icing me out of that wing of the family, but what am I going to say? I don’t have a right to be invited to her wedding and she couldn’t have been nicer about it. So I just didn’t reply. (although that is rude and I really ought to give some sort of short acknowledgement of her response, so I will have to make sure I do that).

Long time readers might remember that these are the cousins I liked so much that in 2007, when I took the first steps of making my website marketing business a Business, I included a 1% equity for them and their mother. Just because. Just cuz I liked them and grew up with them and thought of them as sisters and because I liked my aunt as well. I have no idea what I am supposed to do with this fact now because I remain un-mad at any of these 4 people (including my abusive, slanderous Aunt. She doesn’t even need to apologize to me for any of the grief, stalling, financial damage and family havoc she’s wreaked. If she would just stop and then wanted to resume a relationship like nothing happened – I’m FINE with that) so I don’t want to yank that gift away from them — but at the same time, I can’t be happy or satisfied with working as hard as I do to be giving away any percent of the fruits of that labor to people who range from actively disliking and disowning me as family to barely tolerating my existence in relation to them.

I wish I could talk sense into them but 2 of the 4 won’t talk to me at all and the remaining 2 won’t entertain actual talk, but rather just show me the courtesy of explaining why they have dramatically reduced my role in their lives (which wasn’t that big to begin with).

Since this happened a couple days ago, I saw Disney’s Frozen, which depicts a girl figuratively icing-out her younger sister who just wants to play with her and have fun and be family. The message of the movie is to dump love on their stubbornness and they’ll come around. Ironically, I would normally hate this kind of response and advise anyone adopting it to stop being trampled on and being taken advantage of and issue much tougher-love and take charge. Ironic because that’s precisely how I didn’t handle this case and my “just offer love” approach was a miserable abject failure.