Category Archives: Life Journal

Life Journal

A sad end to an era…

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Still in the aftermath of Nick and Feminine Mikey betraying me to help my girlfriend lie her way into sneaking off to Ryans college for the weekend for drinking and sexing

The real downer here is less so much that another disease ridden skank i saw potential in turned out to be just an empty vesseled loser slutbag with no soul, but more so that…

dude… Ryan is gone for good now…
dude… Mikey really jumped ship there…
dude… Wheeler and Bussey outlasted Ryan and Mikey…
dude…….. 🙁

I may not be a good liar when it comes to other people but when its myself, i’m friggin awesome at it and my richardland doubles of these people were pretty much the opposite of their current states.

richardland Alice: flawed but resilient
REAL Alice: slutty skank

richardland Ryan: most dependable partner in crime
REAL Ryan: most back-stabbiest criminal in partners

richardland Mikey: loyal to Richard no matter what
REAL Mikey: Richard who? fuck that guy

richardland Nick: just kinda follows the crowd
REAL Nick: …well, that ones pretty much the same, but still – the others are big disappointments…

Like, when Ryan was just trying to fuck my girlfriend through emails and not actually thrusting his beer boner past the 900 other inscriptions of “so-and-so Was Here” markings on her vaginal walls, it was easy to brush off and chalk us up to still probably rejoining in the future and living life like we were supposed to…

The plan behind cultivating this group of friends was entirely to build life-long friendships. it might sound stupid to hear someone say thats what they had in mind when they were making high-school associates, but i’m not ashamed of it. I created this group of friends from scratch, pulling together hand picked models representing a distinct walk of life on purpose, and I wanted these to be my guys. my entourage when i’m a movie star. my buddies that come sailing with me in the Greecian islands on holiday when i’m a billionaire. my confidants when my presidential administration is accused of misconduct with an intern — THIS was it… and now thats gone. these shmucks are my enemies now. they’re on… the list…

I wanted to love these little douchebags, but instead… well, i’ll let the Phantom of the Opera say it for me in a creepier but more melodic fashion:


(UPDATE: .wmv embed replaced with Youtube embed)

Well… its on fuckers… this elephant doesn’t forget, and revenge is a dish best served cold. Know what that phrase means? It means that the revenge is hot and fresh out of the oven right now… im gonna put that shit on the window sill to cool off. its gonna sit. grow some mold. fester and decay. probably ferment a little as it rots. then, years and years down the line – OH, looggit that… a shitstorm caused by an old friend that you decided to fuck over. nothing violent or godforbid, illegal – dont insult me with such pettiness. just good old fashioned icy cold justice, straight up.

Life Journal

Ryan wins the battle. won’t win the war…

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Back in December when I found out Ryan was flirting with my girlfriend via e-mail after she ratted him out to me, my contact with him kindov diminished. Little did I know that his contact with said girlfriend didn’t.

Long story short: they lied, they made the sex, they played me like a board game basically. and not a hard and convoluted one that requires strategy like Monopoly – they played me like Candyland. and the candy was my gf’s vag. or like Shoots and Ladders and the shoots were her slutty pants going down and the latter was – or is it Snakes and Ladders? cuz then the snake could be Ryans penis and the ladder could be the rungs of moral decay she descended.

Despite my hilariously on-point metaphor filled rhetoric however, this was a blow that came with a force of a million “aaww…dude”s…

Not gonna sugar coat it. There was shock and pain involved.
Actually, the reaction to the news went embarrassingly similar to this:

2vtsidl

The full story went like this…

[EDITORS NOTE: full story has been redacted indefinitely due to it being just too pathetic. It has been saved to an MS Word document and may be restored at some point in the future…]

Life Journal

Mikey the racist homophobic Mac hater.

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The Following is the transcript from a conversation with my poor misguided friend Mike Glaser. All I wanted to do was share my new ad slogans for Apple computers so I could be on their user featured commercials they have and there goes Mikey…injecting his bigoted views wherever he can… Please pray for him.

Richar900: Greetings Michael. -I was just wondering if you’d take a look at some recent Macintosh slogans I made up. Here’s the first one :
“don’t do crack! -buy a mac…. “

MicMan02: thats so gay

Richar900: or how bout “you’re PC is crapple…so why not go apple?” (apple.com)

MicMan02: crapple isn’t a word…

Richar900: -yes it is, look it up jackass (but make sure you have the right dictionary cuz yours might be broken)

MicMan02: ahh yes, i see

Richar900: how bout “if you like snacks – you should buy macs” cuz I mean – everybody likes snacks ya know?

MicMan02: that doesn’t even make any sense

Richar900: yea it does. its connecting the pleasure and easy access of snacks to computer electronics. its genius

MicMan02: iMovie is preloaded onto it…you should mess around with that

Richar900: yea, i want to get the files on my pc on it but I don’t know how. …and I have stuff thats too big for burning

MicMan02: you have single files that are too big to fit on a cd?

Richar900: yea – my short movies are on there like popcorn (not on there LIKE popcorn – but they’re on there.. one of those films being named “popcorn”)

MicMan02: well that sucks large black penis

Richar900: …Michael, that sexual reference is unneeded and offensive. The fact that you inject a color to it makes it a racial slur and that’s wrong. I’m afraid that on behalf of African Americans across the globe I think you should apologize immediately.

MicMan02: is there any way you can chop it up and do it in chunks? (the file, not the nigger dick)

Richar900: Mikey…please…Although I don’t condone racist comments under any guise, I find this particular degradation of African Americans insulting and reprehensible. -besides…im on a PC.. PC’s aren’t as good as macs for many reasons

Richar900: I strongly suggest you look into it more, macs are pretty cool if you just give them a chance

MicMan02: richard….i’ve had a mac for longer than you have…i made that arguement to YOU a long time ago.

Richar900: Mikey…when will you understand? You’ve made these same misconceptions since I’ve known you. You need to change with the times and realize that no matter what you say : Macs are cool, Blacks are cool, and “Argument” only has one “E” . -but it’s fine for now… I won’t hurt your pride big fella any more- its ok

Richar900: we can just move on from here 🙂 (you little rascal you)

MicMan02: but its true…i’ve been telling YOU that YOU should get a mac for years…but you didn’t want to because they didn’t have a right mouse button…

MicMan02: remember, you almost bought my G4…remember richard…REMEMBER!

Richar900: “macs are for macs”

Richar900: -hows that? you like that one?

MicMan02: you’ve only enjoyed their superior performance for a few days now…while i’ve had them in my life for years.

Richar900: “if your name is Josh – buy a MacinTOSH” -what about that? I mean – everyone named Josh will be compelled to buy!!

MicMan02: you’re retarded.

Richar900: “next time you’re at hooters…don’t be like my friend mike glaser who is stupid and hates macintosh computers…and black people”

Richar900: it’s GOLD!

MicMan02: thats the gayest one yet

MicMan02: you can’t buy macs at hooters.

Richar900: no – it just makes you think about it. cuz then you’re like…”boobs…macs…-i want one!”

MicMan02: ahh, i see. i have to go get some lunch….because of your input, i’ll now definetly consider the apple computer corporation when purchasing my next home computer.

Richar900: I’m glad to hear it Michael… now if only I could get you away from the Hate…Away…from the hate… talk to you later homophobic racist Mac hating buddy.

MicMan02: see ya (and death to all those different than me. -especially the black people…I hate them.)