Sorry ju guys. As much as I hate deeply to disappoint the hundreds of thousands of fans who were feverishly following the FMFS (Feminine Mikey Facebook Saga), I gotta call it to a close for my own sake. Don’t try and make me feel bad about it cuz I put in HOURS negotiating with this schmuckluck to see if a friendly re-joining could be possible, but OY. I’m sorry… he’s just too god damn annoying. no longer friend material. I tried for you guys who frequently voice your love for the old material on richardland he was a part of, but I’m sorry – I’M SORRY OKAY????? – he’s just too far down the rabbit hole of douchitude to be recovered at this point.

To give you an idea of what an assface the once great Feminine Mikey has become, here is a rundown of the first sentence of every paragraph in his latest Facebook reply. Read this horseshit and keep in mind that these messages are supposed to convey “I’m sorry I was such an asshole in the past, but I really want to make it up to you and try to be friends again”.

Maybe its me, so you tell ME if that’s the tone YOU glean here when you read these openers:

MIKEY: Jesus Richard.  Way to make an ultimately simple statement confusing and overly complicated.

Context: Instead of being grateful that I’m actually putting thought and effort into replying to his messages and contuing to steadfastly make his case, he won’t stop whining about how I’m being too mean to him in my replies, so I gave him this awesome deal: vote for the other guy instead of your original choice in the Nov 4 election and I’ll tone down the rhetoric a little in return. He couldn’t wrap his head around the whole “do something as a sign of good faith and i’ll tamp down the mean words as a return-favor” concept, claiming that if my harsh words can be graciously waved due to an act of concession then they lose credibility. I replied to let him know that he’s retarded for thinking that, and apparently that was me making a simple statement confusing and overly complicated. douchebag.

Comment: Really? Even if you’re so much of a weak little bitch to get frustrated at someone you’re trying to apologize to and regain favor with do you really show how flustered you are with an exasperated “Jesus” and go on to blame the person you’re supposedly trying to curry favor with? is there a BETTER way to send a stronger translation of “I suck at life. pleae don’t take my apologies seriously”?. It’s cool to go that route if the person you’re apologizing to is actually being retarded in response to you, cuz then you’re really just JudgeJudy-ing them into a no-nonsense approach to forgiveness with no added horsecrap onto the load the apologizer is already admitting is there.

Instead, Mikey is just a little shit whose frequently wrong and easily frustrated when challenged, so that explaining something in simplistic terms so he could understand it automatically becomes unnecessarily “confusing” and “complicated”.

And FYI: “overly complicated” is redundant you twit. I didn’t tell him that cuz it would be an unnecessary diversion.

MIKEY: Now, on to this online chapter book you’ve presented…

Context: he’s making a derogatory comment about the length of my reply.

Comment: Really? you think it’s a good idea to insult the time taken by someone who hates you but gives you lengthy and thoughtfully written reactions to your whiny ass little pleas anyway?

And a “chapter book” is a childrens book, so I don’t know if he’s claiming I was using child-level vocabulary, or if he didn’t know that chapter book was a real phrase and he was just trying to say “a book long enough to have chapters” to insult the length of my reply while i was hearing him out on his request to be my god damn friend again.
I didn’t tell him any of that cuz it would be an unnecessary diversion.

MIKEY: I can’t believe you’ve injected politics into this discussion…way to make an already overly drawn-out topic even more overly drawn-out.

Context: when he said why he could never vote for the other guy earlier, he said a bunch of stuff that wasn’t true, so I corrected him.

Comment: Really? you can’t believe that after you talked about politics to someone that they would reply? Really? I would want to be friends with someone this easily shocked, why again?

MIKEY: The fault lays with you here, Bush.  Cause I didn’t sound like I misspoke from the beginning.

Context: He mentioned how votes don’t count (electoral college-wise) in California and it’s too bad my vote couldn’t be put to use back in Missouri. I misunderstood and commented on it – he explained his original comment further and in the reply to that I said his explanation makes sense and my bad for not getting it on the first go-around.

Comment: Really? You think its useful to keep going on the “I was right! you misunderstood! YOUR fault!” path even after the other person says “yup. you were right. i misunderstood. my fault”?
And calling me Bush (not a nickname I’ve ever taken)? wtf.

le sigh

So can I finally get a little wut-wut here? (I heard a black person on tv say that so I adopted it. its in the right context, right?). I mean, I’m as sorry as you are, guys. I “mate” for life with my friends, so when they destroy the relationship I hate it and there’s always an open invitation to apply to re-enter richardland after doing appropriate pennance but – more importantly – proving that you’re worth the re-entry. If you’re not friend material, thennnnnn…wtf

I promise I gave him more than a fair shot. Femanine
Mikey just sucks at life too bad to be recovered right now.