The 2nd best outcome of my eldest nephew recently turning 18 (right after the fact that the ongoing sexual abuse I put him through is now legal in most states) is that I can eat the last pound and a half of his birthday cake after the rest of my family’s gone to bed.

Now that im full of cake, im gonna go play with my younger nephews’ toys while they’re asleep. Spiderman and this plastic t-rex here have some unfinished business from earlier to settle…