I SAID GOOD DAY! or no. no I didn’t. but that’s the only thing missing from this speech I just popped off to Mikey the highschool-best-friend-turned-douche.

He requested me on Facebook 2 or 3 years ago and I accidentally accepted it because I was still new to its un-myspacelike user interface. Once I realized he was on my friends list though, I gave an open mouthed gasp while letting my monocle drop from my eye and promptly deleted him. I guess he didn’t notice for awhile and requested me again months later. I accepted it by adding a “how do you know this person” detail (a feature in Facebook that lets people know how you know your friends list friends, be it school, work, S&M night at Scavo’s, etc) that the other person has to approve and in it I wrote:

Since he has to confirm this and didn’t, we remained not-friends on Facebook and he messaged me messaged me saying something like “Geez Bushnell. I continue to be baffled by your reaction to me. I know we’re not best of friends anymore but Facebook friends are different than real life friends. they’re more like associates”.

I rolled my eyes and was about to ignore the message when I felt a little bad since this loser is SO dumb and SO brain damaged by drugs an alcohol that he really probably doesn’t understand the reaction he’s getting. So I figured it was my duty as a decent human being to explain to him why he himself is not one, and also to put some of your curious minds to rest if you’re unclear on why he no longer appears in references and videos on richardland. SO… this is the message I sent him. It is an overshare of personal information in a style I probably should have ceased at High School’s end but that would kindov be going against the spirit of Richardland, so logged in its public history it must be. SO… this is the message I sent him.

I particularly like my use of “ever ever ever” and “but not me… [second line:] not me”. mmm. Poetry!

you have nothing to be baffled by.

Between Michael Glaser and You

you’re not an acquaintance.
you’re only a thin hairs tic away from being a full blown enemy, whose life i plan to make difficult in as many ways possible.

sorry your memory sucks but we arent old chums who drifted apart by chance or life circumstance and just kinda became less palzy with eachother over time.

you were a friend close enough to be family. i plucked your dorky butt from obscurity and made you a partner in the industry of my life. i had your back in battles of friends, school, your family, and love life despite having no personal gain and often receiving negative consequences from it. then you started to be kindov a crappy person that was less considerate of our friends, less interested in our own friendship, more selfish, and less prudent in life choices, but that was still whatevs until you outright betrayed me. but even after that i gave you a chance to keep a friendship and you said the most disgustingly amnesiac (root word “amnesia”) response as if i was just some dude you had met in the quad one day and had a cool convo with one time or something.

you changed into a person not worthy of my respect, became apathetic about me when i was still just as much on “your team”, then you betrayed me in a heinous way, then acted like i was nobody to you.

so go to hell. we are not friends on any level and you dont get the benefit of ever being positively associated with me ever ever ever.

you contact me every few years not with reconciliation, not with life reflection, not with sorrow or regret or a resolve to make things right – you just say “hey” and then act like you dont understand when youre not well recieved.

your strategy that time heals all wounds is probably workable with anyone else given the right amount of time.
but not me.
not me.
bye

lolz. The only unfortunate part of this is that there’s a 50/50 chance that he is not in on the joke of my writing structure anymore because that fun-part-of-life about him is probably dead. To me, this is a hilariously tragic soap opera worthy to be treated as such. It’s not a joke – it’s not a game (the sting of his betrayal was real and legitimately unforgivable without even suggestion of proper pennance, but things like that get emotionally dead to me after having gone through the mourning period) – but it IS silly relationship drama. So is he in on the candy coating of humor over this bitter pill? did he read this dramatically as intended? who cares. not I, said the duck. which is why i’m sharing it here. Batman Out.

Batman Out.