Back in December when I found out Ryan was flirting with my girlfriend via e-mail after she ratted him out to me, my contact with him kindov diminished. Little did I know that his contact with said girlfriend didn’t.

Long story short: they lied, they made the sex, they played me like a board game basically. and not a hard and convoluted one that requires strategy like Monopoly – they played me like Candyland. and the candy was my gf’s vag. or like Shoots and Ladders and the shoots were her slutty pants going down and the latter was – or is it Snakes and Ladders? cuz then the snake could be Ryans penis and the ladder could be the rungs of moral decay she descended.

Despite my hilariously on-point metaphor filled rhetoric however, this was a blow that came with a force of a million “aaww…dude”s…

Not gonna sugar coat it. There was shock and pain involved.
Actually, the reaction to the news went embarrassingly similar to this:

The full story went like this…

[EDITORS NOTE: full story has been redacted indefinitely due to it being just too pathetic. It has been saved to an MS Word document and may be restored at some point in the future…]