I ate 4 lobsters at Dwaynes Wedding Rehearsal Dinner…
Tag Archives: Dwayne
Awkward smile contest
Who you got? and who won? Dwayne, Me or Wheeler? saw this picture Wheeler had posted of the 3 of us at breakfast posing and unintentionally looking uncomfortable as hell.
Dwayne doesn’t want you to know he looks like Rotem Riss
I was sitting on the couch here doing some work on my laptop, minding my own business when Dwayne saw it fit to come fart on me. This amuses him every time since I get up and move away from the fog of his ass stink and he keeps doing it despite my saying not to. About 28 seconds later, he recalls a story about how an Israeli girl today told him he looked like one of her friends in Israel. Her name is Jorden (Jorden from Israel. cute, huh?) and she gave Dwayne the name of her friend and told him to Facebook him to see. I asked what it was and said I’d look it up right now for him and I did.
So this is Rotem Riss, who sure enough, looks a lot like Dwayne:
Except, for some reason, he REALLY doesn’t want Rotem to know this, cuz I announced I was going to message the dude with Dwaynes profile link and let him know about his twin in the American midwest and Dwayne fa-lipped.
First he just said NO a bunch of times and “cuz I don’t want you to” when I asked why and then he added that he didn’t want this guy to know who he was. I reminded him that thats not in play here cuz Facebook profiles are private and all he’ll be able to see is the profiles thumbnail pic – but still, I said, alright fine, I’ll just send a link to one of his pictures so he can see Dwayne but not know even his name or location. Still too much, so to stop the action of copying the picture url, Dwayne starts mashing his hands on my keyboard and pressing the power button and holding it down as long as he can hoping my computer will shut off before I can flick him away. So he ends up chasing me around the room for a few circles while my computer mouse is banging against shit and my computer lid is being flung up and down till I finally said: “FINE. Damn man. you made your point. Good thing you didn’t over react or anything”. Dwaynes response was “well why can’t you just do what I ask? you know, respect my wishes.”
Um… ya…
Helpful hint: making a case for the validity of a crazy over reaction thats premised on “respecting someone’s wishes” is best delivered at a point in time OTHER then when you just farted in your opponents face for the umpteenth time against their wishes.
I pointed this out to him of course, but he didn’t appear to understand the connection between his action that he thought was funny and not a big deal and mine (with the difference that mine was a first time offense).
weird. But Rotem is pretty cute though.
Dwayne is in the other room RickRolling himself right now
I just heard Dwayne listening to Never Gonna Give you Up in the other room and I asked if he was Rick Rolling himself (which is an internet nerd thing which is basically a classic bait and switch: a person provides a weblink they claim is relevant to the topic at hand, but the link actually takes the user to the music video for that ridiculous song).
He had no idea what I just said. So I said it again – “Are you Rick Rolling yourself?”
He pauses for a second and says “No, Rick Astley sings this song”…
…
So I explained what Rick Rolling was and he said he doesn’t know about most internet things and went about his listening.
It was weird.
Hawaii bound with the boysez
Dwayne and Wheeler flew into LAX from Missouri the night before and spent the night at my house before we all shoved off to hit my apartment in Hawaii for a week. It just happened to work out that my mom was visiting at the time so we had a ride to the airport, which was at least 90% better than hitchhiking the 101 at 7AM with only our smiles and offers of handjobs to get us by.
We got in late the night before so they boys didn’t see my mom till the morning where their personalities were illustrated to comedic effect noticed only by me. The shower head at my end of the house wasn’t working so I sent Dwayne to go wash his morning stink off down at my aunts end of the house. The guys haven’t seen my mom in 5 years since we left Missouri in 2003 and Dwayne was his usual cordial self, greeting her with a hug and “hello Mrs Bushnell” and all that crap. While I’m trying to figure out wtf is wrong with my washing device, Wheeler gets up from the couch (which for some inexplicable reason he was sleeping on even though I had a bed for him) to see what the commotion is about and gives a “hey, whats up?” to my mom as he presses the “don’t let water out” switch on the shower.
Here we are in my front yard having an awkward smile contest.
