Most of my traveling this year has been for funny Facebook statuses and such.
It rained for 4 days straight here at home so I posted a status announcing that I did not move to California for this crap and would be spending the rest of the week in Hawaii. so while in Hawaii, when a cloudy day came, I had to remain consistent and leave. so I did.
Loudmouth cable news host Sean Hannity (shown here), was left speechless today as he found himself appearing on none other than a 32 inch flat panel television set in the Bushnell family’s Waikiki apartment. “I can’t believe this sh#t” exclaimed the Fox News commentator as news was also delivered to him that the monitor displaying his image was reportedly purchased for a scant $430. “You really are a great American” Hannity declared (though who exactly he was directing that lame stock phrase to in this context was unclear).
Former Speaker of the House and current Fox News commentator, Newt Gingrich couldn’t believe his f#cking eyes either. “I normally have a bit of a squinty facial posture as it is” said the Speaker, “but when I’m in the presence of sh#t like this, I..[chuckle]..I just can’t look directly at it, its so awesome, really”. The former congressman added that “It’s no wonder that Hannity shut his fat god damn mouth for more than 8 seconds while in awe of this kickass amenity” and when it was pointed out that Hannity’s mouth was actually wide open during his exasperated reaction to the tv, Mr Gingrich shot back: “Christ man, it was a figure of speech to convey that he paused talking. don’t change the subject from this sweet addition to what was already a schway pad yo. god damn”.
When asked to comment on the televisions ability to rotate a full 100 degrees from living room to bedroom and stay out of the way of the privacy divider that runs behind the table, the congressman was quoted as saying “It’s truly unf#cking believable. Now that it’s in place, I’m surprised it has taken this long to happen. This was the kind of Hope & Change President Obama promised us and it warms my stone cold evil-conservative heart to see one family doing their part to make their ocean front real estate the best it can be”.
This recent trip to my apartment in Hawaii was a family affair as we attended the annual owners meeting. As they often do, my aunt and uncle attended but they brought my cousin Steven with them for the first time. Cousin Steven is gay and just recently out of the closet with everyone, which made for such wonderful “All in the Family” moments with my Archie Bunker dad that it was like a constant laugh track just kept playing in my head. Below I have chronicled my list of gay jokes I delivered with excellent timing and to various reacitons: