I previously mentioned that I was flying into Colorado Springs to try and get my cousin to consider me as part of her family again. Spoiler Alert: It was a miserable failure.

The background story is that in July 2012 I ran the laundry machine at 11pm at my grandparents old house that my mom, uncle and aunt jointly own but my aunt lives in and it woke my aunt up. She was so mad at losing sleep that night, she greeting me with screaming obscenities when I came home the next day and attempted to ban me from the property forever. When that didn’t happen since my uncle and mom didn’t go along with this punishment for laundering, she instead sought to cut me out of the family all together, making up nasty stories about me to her children (my 3 cousins) and their grandchildren, my uncle and my mother. Again, it didn’t fly with my uncle, mother or my 2nd cousins (my aunts grandchildren) but for some bizarre reason, all 3 of my first cousins went along with the excommunication, thereby cutting out my 2nd cousins too.

I haven’t seen any of them in the past 2 years and when I invited them to my house in North Hollywood in January 2014, all 3 rejected the offer. The youngest wasn’t in town but said she wouldn’t be inviting me to her wedding a few months later – the middle said “we had grown apart” and ignored my follow up – and the oldest cousin said that we were neither friends no family at this point. Damn. So having the opportunity to go to HER when my parents was passing through Colorado Springs anyway with my nephews, I took it in hopes I could use my charms and acute sense of logic and understanding to clear up any foul air and reconcile.

It was a miserable failure.

Here’s how it went down: We arrive at the house and my cousin (we’ll call her “April” since that’s her name) doesn’t make eye contact with me until I stare her down long enough because I’m goin in for a hug. I do and it’s a polite “I don’t know why you’re touching me but fine” polite return hug. Remember that we never had a fight and I’m not mad at her for any reason: she literally just stopped talking to me and then announced that I was neither friend nor family to her because of unclear reasons relating to her mother deciding I was no longer family to her because I did laundry one night. So my friendliness wasn’t an act and I had nothing to reconcile over (or if I do, I don’t know what it was because I don’t know WHY I was cut out of this family, exactly, or why they don’t want to ever see me anymore). I was genuinely excited to be back at her house which I hadn’t been to since 2004 when my 2nd cousins Matt and Kylie were born. Unfortunately for me, they were spending the summer with my Aunt back in California as they do every year just like the year my aunt screamed and ranted at me the next day I did that fateful laundry load at the house. But whatever. I had April and I was going to open my arms in a welcoming “lets forget that whole business about how you kicked me out of your family for no reason” embrace. I got snubbed every time. 4 times to be exactly.

Here are the 4 ways I got the cold shoulder in my attempts to be a part of my cousin April’s family again:

1- Talked about decorating: The official reason we were there was to see the remodeling they had done to the house since any of us last saw it, which was legit because my mom definitely wanted to see it and I was curious too since I never get any pictures or anything from April, ever, so it was nice to see the work they had done even though “being family again” was my “real” main interest. As we were being shown the truly excellent revisions they made to their basement, I recognized that I was going to get zero questions or interest about me or my life so I mentioned that I’ve done a lot of renovations to my own house in North Hollywood and that I would like for her and Matt and Kylie to come visit. This was ignored as she quickly pointed to drawers under a countertop down there and mentioned that they’re filled with Lego’s. Instead of pushing the issue, I commented on how great the Lego movie was, though she didn’t agree and oddly, found it annoying and poorly constructed.

2- Commenting on where the dogs sleep. As the house tour winded up to the master-bedroom, I again mentioned my house and how I’d like to show her some of the cool stuff I did to the bedrooms in it. This also went unacknowledged as she pointed to cushions on the floor at the end of her bed and noted that that was where Charlie and Moose (her dogs) sleep at night.

3- Neighborhood Construction: Moving outside to chat for awhile, I tried to change tracks and after asking a bunch of questions about what their past and future plans were for the great work they’d done to their back yard, I mentioned simply that I would love to just hang out with her and her family at any time and that maybe we could plan something specific at some point. Ignored again, she pointed at the new houses being built across the gully from her back yard, noting how they maddeningly cover her once-mountain-view and that now she will be looking instead at low-income housing with a view into her back yard.

4- My nephews Shoes: Finally, on our way out, it was crunch time. So doing that slow-walk to the doorway, I locked eye contact with her and said again that she is invited to my house any time and to please come visit next time, every time and any time she is in southern California visiting her mom. Her response? “You need to get that kid some shoes”, pointing to my nephew Rowan who was wearing raggedy hiking sneakers he had been giving an extra punishing in a creek the day before.

And that was that. As we walked away from the house I just went on a stream of “come visit me! come visit! Come to my house!” barrage for the duration of time until she went back inside. She laughed it off and deflected by facetiously saying the lights and decorating in my house would make her ill and I shot back from across the street that I am both the cause and cure of many ailments and to “Come visit, Come visit, Come visit, lets hang out, lets do stuff, lets be family and have fun together, I love you, Come visit!”.

These are comical rejections but it actually was really depressing. She was cold as ice to me the entire time, adopting a polite accommodation to a stranger persona. In my last email to her after she rejected the invitation in January, I asked her and her sisters “what am I doing wrong?”. Since none of them answered me and I still don’t know wtf I’m not doing right here, maybe one of you can help?…