Old timey barber shops had it right all along: we are simply not built to shave our own faces. It’s a job for a 3rd party. Or a 2nd party. Or better yet: a political party. Why aren’t there laws forcing businesses to pay for my facial grooming? Because women don’t grow beards? This War On Men needs to end and my right for someone else to pay for my hair removal needs to be respected. The sides of my head need trimming and it’s discrimination to expect me to do it or use my own money to do it myself. These split ends and poofy peripheries are sullying my skull skin, stupidly. Someone please save me form this hell.