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Life Journal

I’m a jerk now because I fixed my aunts computer (instead of Apple inc)

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FILED UNDER: Latest reason I’m an asshole: for doing things I say I will instead of things others expect me to do instead (without telling me).

I woke up today with the hot California sun sniper-targeting my face through the venetian blinds I failed to flip last night from horizontal to vertical. As I pulled the string to raise them and allow the sun to fully welcome the day into my room, I was unaware that every second that I let tick by not calling our nearest Apple computer store was actually irrevocably destroying my aunts day and possibly life.

Evidently an entire day’s schedule had been planned around a field trip to the far off exotic land of The Oaks Mall that was simultaneously so important as to be the foundation for everyone’s day, but also so meaningless as to skip unless the Apple store appointment necessitated the travel.

“What the fruitcake”, you say? Come. walk with me… Continue reading I’m a jerk now because I fixed my aunts computer (instead of Apple inc) →

Life Journal

Dwayne doesn’t want you to know he looks like Rotem Riss

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I was sitting on the couch here doing some work on my laptop, minding my own business when Dwayne saw it fit to come fart on me. This amuses him every time since I get up and move away from the fog of his ass stink and he keeps doing it despite my saying not to. About 28 seconds later, he recalls a story about how an Israeli girl today told him he looked like one of her friends in Israel. Her name is Jorden (Jorden from Israel. cute, huh?) and she gave Dwayne the name of her friend and told him to Facebook him to see. I asked what it was and said I’d look it up right now for him and I did.

So this is Rotem Riss, who sure enough, looks a lot like Dwayne:

Except, for some reason, he REALLY doesn’t want Rotem to know this, cuz I announced I was going to message the dude with Dwaynes profile link and let him know about his twin in the American midwest and Dwayne fa-lipped.

First he just said NO a bunch of times and “cuz I don’t want you to” when I asked why and then he added that he didn’t want this guy to know who he was. I reminded him that thats not in play here cuz Facebook profiles are private and all he’ll be able to see is the profiles thumbnail pic – but still, I said, alright fine, I’ll just send a link to one of his pictures so he can see Dwayne but not know even his name or location. Still too much, so to stop the action of copying the picture url, Dwayne starts mashing his hands on my keyboard and pressing the power button and holding it down as long as he can hoping my computer will shut off before I can flick him away. So he ends up chasing me around the room for a few circles while my computer mouse is banging against shit and my computer lid is being flung up and down till I finally said: “FINE. Damn man. you made your point. Good thing you didn’t over react or anything”. Dwaynes response was “well why can’t you just do what I ask? you know, respect my wishes.”

Um… ya…

Helpful hint: making a case for the validity of a crazy over reaction thats premised on “respecting someone’s wishes” is best delivered at a point in time OTHER then when you just farted in your opponents face for the umpteenth time against their wishes.

I pointed this out to him of course, but he didn’t appear to understand the connection between his action that he thought was funny and not a big deal and mine (with the difference that mine was a first time offense).

weird. But Rotem is pretty cute though.